Tag Archives: Dear Bailey

Threesomes sometimes

Dear Bailey,

“I’ve been having fantasies about a threesome. Is this normal? What should I do?”

-Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous,

First off, yes, it is normal.

Many people have fantasies about threesomes, and it is your decision if you would like to participate in one.

For some people, it is just not for them. They may feel that it isn’t acceptable, or they would feel uncomfortable.

For others, it can be enjoyable, enhancing their sex life. You must analyze for yourself if it is right for you.

If you do decide to be in one, you should consider how you would like to choose who to explore this with.

Some people choose to ask a friend who they trust and feel comfortable with. If you have friends you can trust to be understanding and private, this can be the best situation. Consider how you would feel about seeing them after. Would you be able to continue the friendship?

Others decide to try it with people they would not have continuous contact with.

If you just want to try it, and you’re not sure about how you might feel later, exploring with someone you don’t know might be a better option.

There are many online resources to find people who are willing to join. Be careful if you decide to do this. The person on the other end can be anyone.

It might be best to let a friend know what you’ve decided to do so that someone is aware of your situation.

There are other concerns with this approach. These people have an unknown sexual history. That doesn’t mean that the history is bad, but it does mean you need to take precautions.

If you decide to plan it ahead of time, you could request that they be tested.

Always practice safe sex in these situations. Lay down some ground rules and limits. It would be a good idea to choose a “safe word” as well.

These suggestions are good for any situation you decide is the best for you.

There is also the matter of if you are in a relationship and how your partner would feel about it. Presenting the idea to them might be scary, and unless it has come up prior, their reaction might be unpredictable.

It could be as simple as asking if they have ever thought about a threesome. It is not just you deciding to do this. You need to take your partner’s thoughts and feelings into consideration as well.

Stricter rules may need to be considered because it can be a more complicated situation. Communication needs to be open. Talk about what you each expect and want. Share what each of your fantasies includes. What should be off limits for both of you and the third person? What sex do you want joining? What concerns do each of you have, prior, during or after?

It is a big decision. It could be unenjoyable for you, or it could also open up your sex life a little more.

Bailey can be reached at linfieldreviewbailey@gmail.com.

Take Planned Parenthood off of the chopping block to save sex education

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Dear Bailey,

Planned Parenthood (PP) provides more than abortions, right?
Sexual education is something that I care about, and it should be important to us all. I write a column about sex and sexual education. Sex is something we all have or will have in common.

Someone asked me during the break what I did for work. When I told him that I write for The Linfield Review about sex, he was so excited. He told me that he had a customer come in with her mother, and the mother wanted him to tell her daughter that sex was bad. After repeated comments from Mom, he finally looked at the daughter and said, “I’m not going to tell you that sex is bad. It’s a great and wonderful thing, but it is extremely dangerous.”

The danger sex presents is what makes preventative care and screening so important. Last week, a bill passed in the U.S. House of Representatives to cut funding for these health needs. If this bill is put into effect, organizations such as Planned Parenthood will not have the funding to provide easy and affordable access to these health care needs.

The funding to PP began in 1970. Why would the government want to pull it now and risk all the recent progress our society has made?

President of Planned Parenthood Cecile Richards and U.S. Rep. Gwen Moore of Wisconsin were interviewed on CNN. Abortion through PP is a big concern for many people, but Richards said that the funding is for the “95 percent of Planned Parenthood services, which are preventive care: cancer screening for cervical and breast, birth control, STD testing and treatment.”

Abortions are not paid for with federal funds, and isn’t the first step to preventing abortions going to the source and providing preventive care?

U.S. Rep. Stephen Lynch of Massachusetts is pro-life and says he does not have many friends in the PP community, but he knows that PP has done more to prevent unintended pregnancies than any other organization and that this is the wrong way to fix the issue.

Richards added that 60 percent of patients only have PP to go to for the basic care that they need:

“If this bill becomes law, millions of women are going to lose their health care services,” she said.

Moore suggested that it is a double standard to cut PP and attempt to pull Woman, Infants, and Children without providing access to family planning. Reading through the comments under the video of the news story on the CNN website displays how misinformed people can be about the situation and sex. One person said that when he was young, his parents taught him morality and that tax payers’ money should not be used for younger people to continue with their immoral behavior.

Unfortunately, many people subscribe to this line of thinking, and the reality is that places like PP are about so much more than birth control and abortions. They have saved lives. In my own experience, PP has made a difference in my life and in the lives of many other people I know.

More than half a million women have signed a petition to continue funding and thousands have sent in their stories of how PP has affected their lives. People have until March 1 to show their support. If you are interested in showing your support, please visit the PP website or visit it on Facebook.

I would like to encourage people to write in with general questions or comments about sex throughout the rest of the term.


My e-mail is linfieldreviewbailey@gmail.com.
Bailey can be reached at linfieldreviewbailey@gmail.com.

Properly used condoms and awareness can defend against venereal diseases

Dear Bailey,

How do I avoid getting venereal diseases?

Sexually transmitted diseases are also known as venereal diseases. The technical term of the definition is morbus venereus. VDs or STDs are caused by genital contact, blood in the genital area, semen or vaginal fluids in the genital area and sexual intercourse.
Sex also includes oral and anal sex; diseases can be spread through allof these methods.
Venereal diseases include “AIDS, chlamydia, genital warts, gonorrhea, syphilis, yeast infections and some forms of hepatitis,” according to emedicinehealth.com.
Herpes is another VD. Herpes can be spread through genital contact or genital-to-mouth contact. There are two strands of herpes: herpes simplex virus type 1 and herpes simplex virus type 2.
HSV-1 is found in the form of fever blisters and can also be spread to the eye, while HSV-2 is usually only spread through sexual intercourse.
Herpes is a fairly common STD that many people know about. About 45 million adults in the U.S. have a form of herpes. One in four women are infected, while one in eight men are infected.
To prevent contracting these diseases, condoms are the best defense during sexual intercourse. They work to their full potential when used properly.
Think about your sexual decisions. Is this person a good sexual partner? Have you communicated with them about sex and methods of protection? Do you know their sexual health and history?
These diseases are impactful and have long-lasting consequences. Few are incurable. There will be other people; a future partner or child who will have to deal with the results of your choices. Think before you act, and be aware of the consequences.

Bailey can be reached at linfieldreviewbailey@gmail.com

Sexual health column aims at informing students

The Linfield Review has a brand new column: It’s essentially a “Dear Abby” column where you write in with questions, and I answer them. But instead of the overused “Abby,” I’ll use “Dear Bailey.” (My name is not Bailey, and to anyone actually named Bailey, I am sorry.)
If the name change wasn’t an exciting enough reason for you to write in, then maybe the subject will get your attention: This advice column isn’t about just anything. It’s about sex.
This isn’t high school, and abstinence isn’t the theme of human health courses, sexual education or of everyone’s sexual practices. Understanding sex and practicing healthy habits is the goal now.
You’re an adult and sex will follow you throughout the rest of your life. How is abstinence going to work if you get married and don’t want children for a while or at all? As college students, you should be informed of what you want to know about sex, sexual health and anything you don’t understand about sex.
Let’s stop here for just a second. This is not a relationship column or a how-to guide. I want you to feel free to ask questions about sex and healthy relationships, but this column does not deal with whether you should ask out so-and-so or how do I do such-and-such position. Go buy a Kama Sutra or “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex.”
Questions can, of course, be asked in Dawn Graff-Haight’s Human Sexuality class or in the health department. But for what
ever reason, not everyone feels comfortable with that approach. Reasons people don’t ask questions are often increased because sex is, unfortunately, such a hushed subject. Getting information is difficult when asking a question feels embarrassing or is in front of other people.
I won’t know who you are; you won’t ask me your questions in person. Some
one else most likely has the same question that you do. This column is to help every
one, and no one is going to get answers if no one asks.
Questions can be e-mailed to me at linfieldreviewbailey@gmail.com, or if you would rather be completely anonymous, you can write to “Dear Bailey,” at Unit #A518.
As a personal disclosure, I am not telling anyone to engage in sex or any other sexual activities. I am just providing information and facts that I have attained through research. The more questions you ask, the more answers everyone will get.

Bailey can be reached at linfieldreviewbailey@gmail.com.