Kelly Copeland

Last week Oprah Winfrey rubbed a pregnant man’s belly.

Believe it or not, Thomas Beatie of Bend, is five months along and expecting a girl.

Beatie, a transgender male, made his debut on Winfrey’s show
April 1, and gained her support for the controversial male pregnancy. On the show, he said his wife Nancy is unable to conceive because she underwent a hysterectomy. For the couple to have a child, they used in vitro fertilization.

Born a woman, Beatie decided to become a man nearly 10 years ago. As part of the transition, he underwent testosterone treatments and had his breasts removed. However, when the option of
removing his female reproductive organs arrived, Beatie decided against it because he wanted to have children someday.

When I first heard about this case in The Oregonian last week, I had a difficult time accepting it. I consider myself an open-minded individual. I am pro-choice, and I support gay marriage. But this is one place I have to draw the line.

If you read the opinion I wrote in the Feb. 22 issue of the Review, you will remember I supported a Colorado school district for allowing a second grade boy to dress like a girl and be called by a girl’s name. I support transgender people and do not have a problem with their choice.

I disagree with Beatie’s pregnancy. I understand some individuals are born a certain sex but feel like the opposite sex. But, I also think that when a woman makes the decision to become a man, the right to be a woman should be given up entirely.

I understand Beatie’s wife is unable to have children herself, but that does not give Beatie the right to have children instead. God gave women the gift to bear children, not men. I also understand Beatie and his wife wanted to have a biological child, a desire present in both men and women. But it is odd that although Beatie does not identify as a woman, he still felt the desire to give birth to a child. That is different than just wanting children.

Besides, the child the couple is having is only biologically Beatie’s and not his wife’s. True, your child does not have to be related to you by blood to be “your child,” but if the couple wanted a child, a surrogate mother or adoption would have also been an acceptable option.

Deciding you want to become the opposite sex is a serious matter and is not to be taken lightly. No individual should make such a life-altering change if he or she is not completely sure. While I do not doubt Beatie’s feelings, I think he should have thought about the implications of his actions.

A story in the New York Daily Times online edition has received many comments about Beatie’s pregnancy, both in favor and against it. One individual, calling herself, “think-about-it,” agrees it is a woman’s job to bear children, not a man’s. Beatie is recognized by the state as a man, not a woman.

When the couple appeared on Oprah’s show last week, they emphasized that they want their unborn daughter to live a normal life. But if they truly want this child to live a normal life, they should not have announced the pregnancy on national television.

Their daughter is already going to grow up being known as “the girl whose dad gave birth to her,” and going public with such a pregnancy will never allow her life to be considered anything close to normal.

Despite my reservations, I have no doubt Beatie’s unborn daughter will experience just as much love and affection equal to if her mother gave birth to her.

He Says

The best pranks require careful planning.

April Fool’s Day is a tricky day for a man in a relationship.

Your girlfriend expects some kind of elaborate but lighthearted prank.

In fact, she wants a prank. You see, one of the reasons a woman is so easy to control is because she believes your elaborate, detailed plan to willfully deceive her is a sign you love her unconditionally.

Remember, this is a day for practical jokes. They have a purpose. There is no better way to remind your girlfriend you are in control of her life than by literally controlling events in her life.

You know the route she takes every day. You know her friends. You know her professors and classmates. You know the exact layout of her room and the location of every item in it.

Use as much of that information as possible to alter her life for this one day of the year. The more elaborate your joke, the more successful it will be. Remember, she is a woman, and she confuses dedication with commitment.

For instance, this last April Fool’s Day was a Tuesday. I know my girlfriend’s route from her home to her class, to work and every seedy, questionable stop in between. 

On Monday, I contacted every person she could possibly see on that route and paid them unbelievable amounts of money to call her by the wrong name.

Her teachers, friends and even strangers on the street all acted as though her name was Maleficent, the name of the villainous witch in Disney’s “Sleeping Beauty,“ a film that for various deep-seated psychological reasons terrifies my girlfriend.

While she was gone from her apartment, I snuck in and removed everything that had her name on it. I meticulously replaced her name with that of the mistress of all evil.

I replaced all of her clothing with the long black and purple cape and dress and weird Batman-style hat that Maleficent wears. I painted the walls a dull and dank gray, and made dragon clawmarks on them.

When she got home, I was dressed as Prince Phillip, the current one I kicked her door down and told her I’d been cheating on her with a girl in a coma and that she’d better do her dragon dance, because I was ready to fight.

We did battle for about 20 minutes and then, just as she was about to collapse on me and fall off the cliff, I threw down my broadsword and shouted “APRIL FOOL’S!”

She admitted later that she had actually believed she had turned into a dragon, and she had to summon all the powers of hell to destroy me. And, just as I had expected, she concluded by sniffling, “I can’t believe you did all this, just for me!”

She says

Take the high road with relationship pranks.

I hate April Fool’s Day.

I just wanted to get that out of the way so you all could read a column about pranks without coming in cold to my personal bias. I’ve been pranked before, and you know what: It’s not fun. In fact, I know very few people who like to be deceived, especially in the context of relationships.

That doesn’t mean, though, that there isn’t room for humor. In fact, for a relationship to work, there absolutely must be an element of fun, the ability to tease each other and crack a joke now and again. But don’t take it too far, or you’ll have a pretty pissed off partner on your hands. 

The key to a successful prank is basically, “Don’t Be A Dick.” In order to achieve this, here’s a list of things to AVOID:

1. The “I’m Breaking Up With You” Prank:  It is just as awful as it sounds. Some people actually find it hilarious to pretend, even for a few heartbreaking moments, to dump their lover on
April 1.

Maybe the pranker assumes the prankee will realize what’s happening. Maybe they’re even testing the waters for a future breakup, to see how it’ll go. But if you value your relationship, you’d better avoid it.

2. The “Guess What?  It’s herpes!” Prank: OK, I’ll admit, this one is pretty funny from the outside, but if you’re actually in the relationship, it can be a scary moment. And guess what? If you sit your partner down and give them that sort of news, you may not like the reaction. Even the moments before you yell, “Relax!  It’s a joke!” you may see a whole new side of your lover that you never wanted to see, full of bitterness and spite and the sort of freak rage that lets Hulk do his thing.

Knowing your significant other may not react to that news the way you want them to might irreparably damage your relationship.

3. The “I’m Gay” Prank: When your lover says, “Oh, I knew it,” you may feel less romantically disposed toward them.

That being said, there are a number of little April Fool’s jokes you can pull. A popular joke is to convince somebody of something in the news. Something like, “Hey, sweetie, did you read that article about Hillary Clinton? Apparently it just came out that she had an affair…with George Clooney. Yeah. Everybody’s talking about it.”

The problem with these is that they’re easily busted, as soon as your other logs on to the Internet to read the story. But every once in a while they’ll take you for your word and spend the rest of their day trying to convince their friends and professors th 

Dominic Baez

I felt chills go down the back of my spine when I saw an article in the March 30 issue of The New York Times about President Bush. Not because it bashes Bush, but because the article was titled “Bush’s Veto of Bill on C.I.A. Tactics Affirm His Legacy.”

Reading further into the article, I came to a startling realization: Bush’s legacy is one of torture. Scary, isn’t it? Basically, Bush refused to impose on the C.I.A. the same standards against anti-torture methods set forth by the Army Field Manual, which include waterboarding, prolonged exposure to freezing
temperatures, forced nudity,
sexual humiliation, mock executions, use of attack dogs, application of electric shocks and  withholding of food, water and medical care.

So, I guess we can consider President Bush a supporter of torture, which does not make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 

His support for this decision was a basic recitation of his
Oct. 23 speech about the C.I.A. and torture, saying this process has helped protect the United States from terrorism.

Most of the plots he claimed were going to happen were nothing more than that: claims. Many of them were debunked quicker than he could come up with them.

How can it be that Bush has allowed this to happen, especially when the United States is the forerunner in human rights and anti-torture policies?

I will give credit to the C.I.A. though for its quick response.

“The implication is that those measures would be used by the Central Intelligence Agency or other intelligence services if the intelligence authorization bill is vetoed by the president. They would not. The C.I.A. neither conducts nor condones torture,” C.I.A. spokesman Mark Mansfield wrote to The New York Times in a letter to the editor.

Still, it terrifies me to think the C.I.A., given what it considers the “right” incentive, could detain people and deprive them of their basic human rights at the drop of a dime. This just reinforces my belief that Bush built his presidency on the threat of terrorism.

My favorite part of the whole situation: what others have to say.

The editorial board of The Independent of London wrote: “Anyone who imagined that, with the clock running down on his tenure in the White House and America’s attention concentrated on the election of his successor, George Bush could do no more serious damage to America’s reputation in the world must now surely be ruing their complacency…”

Just to top that off, a recent Center for Public Integrity report and database documented 935 false statements by Bush, Vice President Cheney and other top administration officials hyping the threat posed by Saddam Hussein’s Iraq in the two years after Sept. 11, 2001. I found this fact amazingly ironic and horrifically sad at the same time.

Enough cannot be said about this ridiculous decision. Personally, I cannot wait until he is out of office for good. 

Tyler Morrill

At the beginning of every year, students’ unit boxes get filled with stuff, some of it more helpful than the rest. One thing every student receives, and most likely pays little attention to, is the student handbook.

Not many people take full advantage of the information they are given in the handbook. Going through it, I found a couple of things students should know to help them out and improve their time here.

The first thing I noticed is the phone number listings. It includes every restaurant in town, both sit-down and fast food, you could want. More than 25 churches from the community are in it. Hotels, movie theaters, golf courses and bowling alleys are all there for one to find.

With gas prices nearing the price of minimum wage, soon transportation is going to be a growing problem, especially for college students. McMinnville has bus transportation called YAMCO. It costs only $1.50 per fare and can take you anywhere from Bi-Mart all the way across town to Wal-Mart, which can be a rough commute with how long it takes to get down Highway 99. It runs throughout the day from
8 a.m. to 4:20 p.m. The route even comes down Linfield Avenue every hour at 20 minutes after the hour.

The YAMCO bus should be encouraged more by the school because it’s a great alternative to driving.

One pretty timely piece of information that’s in the handbook is Linfield’s outdoor equipment rental program. With Spring Break behind us, students could have planned a cheap weekend getaway with friends.

The Health and Outdoor Program gives students a chance to rent outdoor gear for low prices. A pair of tents for five dollars a weekend is pretty unbeatable. Other possible rentals include sleeping bags, stoves, backpacks and wetsuits.

The rentals also include package deals to give students even better options. This allows those wanting to do something different to get out and do just that.

Something else everyone should know are all the resources provided for Linfield students. Not everyone looks forward to writing essays or presenting speeches. Luckily, there are two centers students can go to to improve in both categories.

The Writing Center in Melrose Hall provides trained assistants to help students improve their writing styles. The Speaking Center in the library also provides students with an opportunity to touch-up their public speaking ability. Trained students are in both places to work with those seeking help and give them advice.

This information may be old news to some of you, but for those that have learned something new, maybe it can help improve either your academic career or your
free time.

Amber McKenna

Last week I was scared. What sparked my sudden fear? The words “What’s an Obama?” came out of a dear friend’s mouth.

My immediate response was the cliché: You kids are so busy with your texting and video games nowadays, you have no clue what is going on in the world.

But is it so far-fetched? As one who is constantly surrounded by fellow newspaper-reading mass communication majors, I might not see the average American college student for what they truly are: uninformed.

According to a study printed in the Feb. 11 issue of Time
Magazine, 27 percent of 18- to 29-year-olds are bored with the
presidential campaign. This leaves 40 percent of the group only somewhat interested. Only 31 percent call
themselves very interested.

What qualifies as interested? Knowing a candidate’s name and face is great for playing “Washington D.C. Where’s Waldo,” but it’s not enough to base your decision to vote for leader of the free world.

This year there are an estimated 50 million U.S. citizens ages 18 to 31, dubbed the millennial generation, constituting nearly a quarter of the electorate. This is a huge group, and the influence of our vote has been noted by the presidential candidates.

They have MySpace and Facebook pages and have flooded our beloved Youtube with speeches, debates and campaign ads, all saying the same thing: “Listen up young-uns!”

Although we are still young adults, we are adults nonetheless. So often college students say “I can take care of myself” and “I am responsible,” but when it comes to election time the words sound similar to “I don’t care” or “It doesn’t affect me.”

You should care because it does affect you. Do not simply vote for someone based on their political party, race, sex, age, religion, favorite baseball team or hairstyle. The issues are what matter. We aren’t going to be in college forever. Once we hit those cold, harsh winds of the real world, every issue, whether we voted on it or not, will shape our futures.

Think about this: In 1994 more than 80 percent of South Africans had the chance to vote for the first time after having their views repressed for years. We have the liberty of letting our opinions be heard. Vote because you can. Vote because in 40 years when your grandkids ask you about the momentous 2008 election, you can tell them you took part in it. 

I am calling all my peers to step up. As we have seen in our own ASLC election, one vote can make a difference.

Want to be informed? Check out these Web sites:

www.rockthevote.com

www.declareyourself.com

www.GenerationEngage.com

www.votesmart.com

www.chooseorlose.com

It’s not too late! For more information on registering to vote in any state go to: www.yourvotematters.org.

He says

If your significant other gets too busy, make her want to spend time with you.

The subject of time spent together is very touchy in any relationship. Depending on the two people involved, it can vary intensely. What is enough quality time for one partner may not be enough for the other.

Usually I am not the one complaining my girlfriend doesn’t spend enough time with me. Usually, it is a girl who is crying to me, honestly weeping, saying, “You spend all your time drinking alone in the dark, and you never talk to me anymore” or “You go out and say you’re going fishing with the guys, but I know you’re going to the dogfights because you don’t love me.”

And it’s usually true. I am incapable of love.

But sometimes, rarely, my girlfriends somehow “slip away” from me. Every time I propose we meet up to make out or whatever, she says she’s unavailable.

“I’m too busy,” she’ll say. Or, “I don’t want to see you anymore.” Or, “I’m busy with my boyfriend tonight.” Or, “How did you get this number?” Or, “You’re scaring me.”

I completely snap. You know your buddy He Says is usually a rational, opportunistic lady-killer. But when your girlfriend gets “too busy” for you, there is only one thing to do. Force yourself into her life.

Show up at her house or dorm at hours you know she will be there. Bring flowers or a puppy, something to remind her she loves you and wants to spend all her time with you.

Follow her around. Make it obvious. Don’t be afraid she’ll see you. You don’t want to look creepy, just involved.

Start dating her friends. When she calls you out on it, just tell her “WELL I THOUGHT WE WERE BROKEN UP BECAUSE YOU NEVER WANT TO SEE ME, SO I FIGURED I’D TRY TO SLEEP WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND LIKE I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO!”

Also, sleep with her best friend like you’ve always wanted to.

Sometimes, it’s just not enough. This beautiful girl stopped seeing me altogether, just kept telling me she was too busy working at the shelter or taking care of her unbelievably sick brother. That hacking, shaking tubercular freak was the thorn in my side for many months.

Anyway, long story short, I got extensive surgery on my face, dyed my hair, put on some weight and completely started over by courting her again, this time as “Dr. LelandL. Love.”

It didn’t go well. The fresh scarring on my face combined with therampant alcohol anddogfighting habits were a dead giveaway. Also, I kept accidentally answering to my old name.

I’m just saying, if she’s too busy for you, she might not be too busy for some other guy. Be that other guy.

She says

Sometimes being busy is good.

So you feel your significant other is too busy for you? Oh, dear. Honestly, that’s a sucky situation, but before we get into the solution, you should ask yourself what you think “too busy” is.

I’ve found this definition varies widely between individuals. I’ve known girls who see their guys once a week and are happy with it. I’ve known guys who flip out if their lady goes out on an occasional Friday night.

Basic principles

If you only get to see your sweetheart a couple of days a week, then yeah, he is pretty busy. If he has to occasionally blow you off to get an assignment done? Oh, no! The unimaginable travesty: that he puts his future before hanging out and watching “Family Guy” with you!

Yeah. Deal with it.

The truth is I don’t have a great amount of patience for this issue. A relationship is give and take, and yes, your significant other has an obligation to make time for you, but you also have an obligation to be patient and supportive.

Your sweetheart wants to spend time with you. That’s why you’re in a relationship with each other. Most people will tell you they would much rather make out with their boyfriend/girlfriend than sit around with their friends or do school work. So why be jealous of the time your partner has to spend away from you?

It only really becomes a problem when your special somebody stops trying to have time for you. It’s one thing entirely if they can’t spend every moment with you, but they do what they can. If every time you call, they’re “busy,” and they never call you back, then maybe it’s about time you have a little conversation.

But that’s obvious, and if you were really looking to me for romantic advice, you have bigger issues than an absentee lover.

Excuse me if I sound somewhat jaded this week. Like I said, when it comes to the issue of who’s busier than whom in relationships, my eyes start rolling. I honestly see it as another way for people to blame each other for deeper problems in their relationships, or as a petty way for people to express disappointment. In either case, the best thing you can do is talk to your significant other. There isn’t any magic technique or quick-fix cure for the situation.

Unless you want to show up in their room in underwear with a smile.

That ought to attract their attention for alittle while.

Claire Oliver

I enjoy the view from my dorm room. I have an unobstructed view of Keck Campus, and I don’t have to worry about seeing too much of students in their rooms. I even have prime seats for every home softball game. However, I’ve realized this view comes with a price.

Since softball practice began this season, I’ve gotten used to the metallic clink of bats, the tractor constantly smoothing out the surface and the stadium lights giving a false sense of daylight.

 I’ve grown accustomed to the occasional thuds of foul balls flying out of the stadium hitting a variety of surfaces, whether concrete, grass or metal.

I’ve often wondered why there aren’t nets surrounding the field. The light posts are already equipped with loopholes for nets, and the baseball field has them. Why not the softball field, too?

Still, I never really saw the necessity of these additions until Feb. 29, when my roommate returned soaking wet from the rain and thoroughly perturbed. I knew one of those thuds I heard had hit home. 

A foul ball flew over the bleachers and left a softball-sized hole in my roommate’s car’s back windshield. When she turned the car on to move it, the rest of the glass shattered too.

Because her car was parked exactly parallel to home base, it’s actually an impressive shot, if you think about it.

I realize the college is not liable for this, and neither is the team. Even players as good as ours can’t control where every hit goes, and there is a sign that clearly warns of foul balls.

However, when my roommate returned from the auto shop with the equivalent of Saran Wrap protecting her seats from the rain, it became apparent more precautions could, and should, be taken.

Parking is scarce for those of us living in the center of campus, and finding a space within sight of your building trumps all warnings against potential damage.

My roommate had the auto shop hand over her glass-covered 2007-2008 parking sticker so she wouldn’t be penalized when she returned—if this doesn’t clear up student priorities, I don’t know what does.

It would be a courtesy to students to decrease these odds even more by adding nets.

As the weekend progressed, I heard more stories about softballs hitting cars, softballs hitting buildings, softballs nearly hitting people. Just yesterday one struck the brick right next to my window. Walking back from Albertson’s the other night, I saw another windshield had been hit and shattered. Slight exaggerations aside, why even take the chance of this happening again? A small sign isn’t enough. 

I realize the college takes a great deal of pride in its beautification (the near-obsessive lawn-edging attests to that), but shouldn’t the safety of students and our property take precedence over aesthetics?

This morning as I watched the sun come up, I thought about whether transparent mesh nets would be distracting or obstructive. The answer is clear: No, not at all.  

Jillian Beaudry

Stacey Barchenger

This year, the Review has had many physical changes. As is common with each new editor in chief, he or she adapts the paper to make it special for the time they are in charge. This is something we hope student readers have noticed, especially since this semester we have created a new name plate on the front page to honor Linfield’s 150th birthday.

But how many of you have noticed our updated Web site? An editorial printed at the beginning of the semester served as the official unveiling of the Review’s new online space. We have had to work through kinks and uploading difficulties, but the site is up and running and waiting for students and staff to check it out.

“Waiting” is the key word here. One of the most important features of the Web page is it allows online readers to leave comments. The old Web page was basic, and it is fair to say it was outdated. Newspapers are trying to keep up with new technology, and the Review is no exception. One way to do this is through online feedback and discussion.

Students can easily find thee-mail addresses of the writer of a story if they want to leave a personal comment. But how about leaving it on the public page instead?

In doing so, we may be able to directly contact or respond to you and publicly address a question other students have too. Or maybe something someone says will spark a discussion with another online reader. There have only been a few comments so far, and we want more.

Our staff has spent many hours of work and thought planning the new site, and we want you to take advantage of all we’ve done.

Another benefit of the Web site is the access to blogs. Each Monday, new blogs that aren’t available anywhere else give student perspectives on life as a senior at Linfield and being a Democrat. You can even read about the process of producing the Review each Thursday night in the Editor’s Blog.

You can leave comments about the Review in general, comments about things you would like to see printed on these 16 pages, or even comments about something you didn’t like. Although we try to avoid doing things that will draw loads of negative criticism, it happens, and we want to hear it.

We have created a space forstudents to let us hear, or read, their thoughts. So take advantage of it!

The Web page can befound at www.linfield.edu/linfield-review.