Jillian Beaudry

Stacey Barchenger

It is well known that our staff works from 4 p.m. until whenever we are done, whether it be 2 or 11 a.m. We keep upbeat music blaring, take trips to Starbucks and do whatever we can to get through the sluggish feeling that sets in around 11 p.m. and lasts until 3 a.m. After that point, our second wind kicks in, and it’s full steam ahead.

Would you work from 4 p.m. to 11 a.m. without getting hungry? Probably not. Without eating we  each get tired, cranky and a grumbling stomach makes working these hours downright unbearable.

Food is important fuel for the body, and we need it to get through the long hours. Each week we snack on fruit, chips and salsa and the occasional gummy bear or Swedish fish. The money used to purchase the food for our staff is budgeted each year.

However, last year our food budget was reduced by ASLC Cabinet without notifying us beforehand, and this year it is being cut completely. Our staff already works hard and sacrifices a lot of time each week. We should be able to request money in our budget to feed ourselves.

It goes beyond packing a lunch and a snack like regular places of employment because the hours are so long. Some days we would need a lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, 9 p.m. snack, midnight snack, 3 a.m. snack and 6 a.m. breakfast. This is a lot of food, and that is only if you eat every three hours. Some people are grazers and need to eat more often, especially when their bodies are starving for energy because of the lack of sleep.

The Cabinet informed our staff it is cutting every club’s food budget to save money, but the members obviously understand the importance of food at meetings because as they were telling us this, they were consuming two large pizzas that we doubt they paid for out of their own pockets without being reimbursed. Providing food is absolutely crucial for a happy working environment for the Review and clubs on campus.

Other clubs use food to attract students to meetings and events and to feed members during community service trips or special outings. This is our money in the first place; it should be used to provide sustenance if we want it to.

We were told that if we wanted to purchase food, we could take money from other areas of our budget. However, we have a budget for a reason. We scrupulously allot dollars to exactly what we need. If we scrimp from other areas to buy food, we will be reducing the quality of our paper by being forced to sacrifice color issues or new software, and may not be able to send a staff member to a newspaper training conference.

We cannot simply take $30 a week from other areas. We did not budget that way. And we do not want to hide that amount in our budget labeled as other expenses. We feel that is what is being asked of us. That is not being open, and we are honest with our spending.

We have had the opportunity in years past to trade advertising for sandwiches and salads with Quiznos. However, there is no guarantee that we will have that opportunity next year. Also, would a six-inch sandwich or salad sustain you for 14 hours? It is a great deal for us, but it is still not enough.

We were upset last year when Cabinet made adjustments to our budget and did not give us a chance to contest them before the final announcement at Senate. This year, we have until next Monday to get something changed. Cabinet needs to listen to clubs and try to find other solutions rather than ignore the issue and subtly request less-than-responsible
money practices.

The Review’s relationship with the Cabinet has suffered in the last year, and listening and accommodating our needs would put us back on the right path.

He says

Alcohol brings out the worst in a relationship.

We lead a charmed life in college, Linfield males, one of nearly boundless glory. The fields of women available to us are endless. Truly, it is a life of euphoria and ecstasy.

Unfortunately, along with euphoria and ecstasy comes depression and sloth. Highs and lows define us, Linfield male, and all we can do is try our best to control them. Naturally, we deal with highs and lows through the aptly named “controlled substances.”

You know He Says would never advocate abusing such controlled substances. Yet, I know it is a common solution for many college students, men and women alike. While I have never observed a problem in my own behavior, (it’s hard to observe your behavior when you can’t remember it), I know what it is like to date a girl who is, as we say around campus, on alcohol.

A girlfriend on alcohol is a terrible thing. Even just a few drinks can make her start saying things she doesn’t mean.

Sometimes, all it takes is one typical He Says Party Vesper (two bottles vodka, two bottles gin, and a 375 of blond Lillet, shaken in a minifridge full of ice) for a girl to reach the warped state of mind that leads her to break up with you over something as little as cleaning out her dad’s liquor cabinet.

The problem is that being on alcohol is like losing complete control of your mind, which means your girlfriend on alcohol is like you and losing complete control of her mind, which should NEVER happen.

As every Linfield male probably knows, alcohol is a double-edged sword in the sex department. On one hand, it is the ultimate tool of seduction. It makes girls do terribly stupid and dangerous things like sleep with you without even checking into your criminal background.

On the other hand, it makes your girlfriend cheat on you with guys who might be wanted criminals, which is not so great if you like your girlfriend.

You have some options.

The best and easiest thing is to make her friends take care of it. Of course, if she had friends that were looking out for her like that, she wouldn’t be dating you, would she? So I’ll just assume this is not an option.

There is always rehab. Rehab is the most hands-off way to solve this
problem. However, keep in mind that you will likely lose all control over her while she is gone. And when she gets back, she might forbid you from seeing her, calling you an “enabler,” a “monster” or a “potential sex offender.”

If it gets out of hand, take her ID when she’s not paying attention and change it to say she was born in 1992. If she’s only 16, she can’t buy alcohol, right? Of course, you’ll have to keep some proof of her actual age, or you’ll look…well, not good.

She says

Stick with your significant other in good times and bad.

Honestly, the “drunk boyfriend/girlfriend” question is a pretty good one. When your significant other has too much at a party they can become belligerent, promiscuous, noisy and can embarrass you, or worse, himself. As a good girlfriend, it’s tough to watch your sweetheart do that to himself, but telling him he’s drunk and needs to stop can sometimes be difficult.

If you’re lucky, your darling knows his limits. When he start staggering and you say, “All right, time to leave the keg alone and go home!” he’ll agree with your superior sober judgment and come along like a dog on a leash. You may be unfortunate enough, however, to find yourself dating a mean drunk who doesn’t know when to quit.

When you tell him he’s done, he doesn’t believe you; when you take the bottle, he gets angry; and when you start to pull him to the door, he screams at you like some sort of horrifying hell-bat you’d swear you’d never met before. So what do you do when he won’t come home with you?

Ha.

Nothing.

This is the beautiful and difficult part of a drunken fight. When your significant other has had too much and is getting nasty, there is really nothing you can do about the situation at the moment. He’s not going to be reasonable, no matter how logical and well-presented your argument is. All he’s going to hear is, “I would like to control your life and your decisions. I don’t approve of anything you do. Your friends offend me. I hate your mother, and I think you’re fat.”

The best thing to do when your sweetheart refuses your suggestion to go home is to go home without him. You don’t need to subject yourself to his bad decisions.

Wait until the next day and then calmly explain your grievances. Don’t get pissy about it. Make sure he knows his decisions are his own, but if he’s going to make an asshole of himself every time he has a few, maybe he needs to re-evaluate his social habits.

Of course this is all assuming that he’s still conscious. If he’s puking in somebody’s bathroom, I think you can forgo the righteous indignation. After all, drunk or not, he’ll still be your significant other in the morning.

Jillian Beaudry

Editor-in-Chief

Last week, Fusion, the gay, bisexual, straight, lesbian and transgender alliance club on campus, held its third annual drag auction using sidewalk chalk in front of buildings to advertise. And for the third year in a row, someone destroyed the work with water.

Students at a liberal arts college should be more attuned to diversity and more accepting of other ideas. Why is there still intolerance in our close-knit community?

Fusion benefits students on campus who may have trouble finding places to fit in. It provides a safe place, a refuge to openly talk about issues and lean on one another to overcome obstacles. They take pride in who they are and in the event they put on for charity, the ONE Campaign. They should be respected for that.

This club does a lot of good for our friends on campus and helps the overall community learn to accept others who are different. Why do students who don’t agree with their beliefs take that respect away?

Washing off the art is cowardice. Name-calling and dirty looks do not mean you are standing up for what you believe in; you are simply showing disrespect and hurting your friends. You are hurting those  who live across the hall from you, play on your intramural team and sit next to you in the library. We love Linfield for the cohesive unit the student body has always been. Stop ruining it.

If the offenders do not share the same beliefs of the club, they should come out and openly explain why. Each person deserves to voice his or her opinion and present the argument for it. The club is upset, and it has every right to an explanation.

We should take advantage of our environment, which promotes learning, diversity and tolerance, to have an open discussion to answer questions and try to gain a better understanding of why the different sides believe what they do. No one will ever wholly agree in the end, but striving to learn more about where one another comes from and why they act the way they do will help rebuild our community after this horrible act.

This topic deserves campus debate. Three years are three too many to suffer such disrespect, and the club has handled it gracefully.

Take this topic to the Review Web site and post a comment, bring it up on Student Forum or in your own club meetings. By talking about it openly, we can prevent it from ever happening again.

In the Review story last week, a representative from Fusion said next year the club will advertise the drag auction on paper. They shouldn’t have to. Let’s talk about this and spread the idea of tolerance at Linfield so they can advertise in chalk for the fourth year, and let it remain untouched and respected.

He says

Roommate-girlfriend conflicts are inevitable.

There comes a time in every relationship when you have to introduce your girlfriend to your roommates. Chances are they probably won’t get along. Keep in mind she barely tolerates you, with all your burping, shouting, cage fighting and pyramid schemes.

She only puts up with you because you have trained her to think she needs you. You can only imagine what she will think of your roommates’ drunken Jenga tournaments, in-home Toughman competitions and the room in the back made entirely of mattresses.

You can avoid the problem by never bringing your girlfriend home, but that means you’ll have to spend more time at her place, which is also awkward, as you probably have slept with or will sleep with all of her roommates.

There is no easy solution. You can spend months training your girlfriend to be tolerant of moronic male behavior, but that still may not prepare her for the nearly demonic aberrant behavior of your roommates.

Like I said, they probably won’t get along. But because they won’t want to see each other, you probably will never have to be with them at the same time. That allows you to be entirely two-faced.

When you are with her, pretend you hate your roommates. You probably do this anyway. When you are with your roommates, tell them the only reason you keep her around is that she is hot. This is easy because it is rarely a lie.

Of course, if your roommate is a guy, you probably will have more trouble being there without him being around while organizing his Magic cards or playing Guild Wars all night.

This can be a difficult situation, but I have a few solutions you can try out.

First and foremost, establish boundaries. Agree on a line of demarcation in the room for when your girlfriend comes over. Build a floor-to-ceiling brick wall on that line.

Convince her to take a restraining order out on him. Claim he made some inappropriate comments, and then get the school (or the court) to say he is not allowed within thirty feet of her. That way, whenever she comes over, he has to leave.

The last, and probably easiest, although most illegal solution, is to get your hands on what are commonly known as “roofies.” When you know your girlfriend is coming over, slip some into your roommate’s drink. He’ll never know she was there.

Look, if it gets bad, you know you only have one choice. Get him kicked out of school. Replace his papers with published essays, plant drugs on him, do whatever you have to do to have some alone time with your girl. She’ll think it’s so romantic.

She says

If your significant other dislikes your roommate, find some middle ground.

This week I found myself somewhat drowned in the insanity and minutiae of summer living. My time was consumed with temp agencies and arrangements for cheap apartments. So I foisted my column on my aforementioned Grouchy Roommate, who was only too happy to spend 2,500 letters griping about humanity, God bless her. Enjoy it.

Grouchy Roommate:

It’s a pretty common situation: Your guy just doesn’t seem to enjoy sitting around while you and your friends giggle over the latest episode of “America’s Next Top Model.” You find yourself having to drag him out for parties, even though he’s done his best to barricade his door and chain himself firmly to his desk to avoid having to spend time with Tina and Staci.

“I don’t like your friends” is one of the most panic-inducing, nerve-wracking, ulcer-opening declarations one can hear in a relationship, along with “I think we should see other people” and “I have a weird rash.”

Things get even stickier when you are living with Tina and Staci. The relationship becomes strangely one-sided if your guy refuses to come to your place at all. You find yourself spending more and more time at his place, which inevitably smells like Guy (and not the good Guy smell—more like the basement-of-the-frat-house Guy smell).

You will begin to wonder how fair this really is, especially when your guy’s roommate turns out to be the kid who plays World of Warcraft instead of sleeping.

Clearly you deserve a better-than-awkward rendezvous in a bizarrely scented room with a roommate who doesn’t talk; and clearly, your sweetheart doesn’t deserve to be subjected to Tina and Staci’s comparisons of “Cosmo” magazine’s horoscopes. (By the way Capricorns, apparently you should be on the lookout for a “brainy jock.” Have fun with that.)

The best solution is the one discovered by your parents and grandparents: private transportation. Take the car, find a romantic viewpoint (or at least an empty parking lot), and get it on right there.

No obnoxious roommates, no funky smells and no hammering on the bottom bunk by that roommate on his computer who’s fed up with pretending to ignore you. Private car time is cliché because it works, for the desperate anyway.

If you’re not quite brave enough to risk interruption by the Mac P.D. (or worse, that Amity cop), maybe you should try having a chat with your honey and your roommates to smooth things out.

You want your boyfriend to like your roommates? They’ll probably be nicer to him (and you) if you don’t publicly and shamelessly snog him. Just because they’re your friends, it doesn’t mean they’re willing to turn a blind eye to your PDA. What’s acceptable on the Parisian metro is not appreciated in your living room, nor your abominably cramped dorm double.

Rachael Palinkas

Working in town I hear a lot of different types of people talking about the presidential election, most specifically choosing between Senators Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Despite what I may believe about either of the candidates, the decisions people are making should be informed ones. But this is not what I am hearing.

I have heard countless comments on the candidates’ sex and race. Some say they would vote for Obama simply because they don’t want a woman in office. Others say they want Clinton because Obama sounds too much like Osama or because he’s African American. The fact that these thoughts ever crossed the mind of the public is offensive and discouraging.

I thought people voting this year would take advantage of this opportunity to become informed citizens and make decisions on the issues that matter most. We keep hearing this is a year for change, but how can change happen when issues of race and gender stand at the forefront of everyone’s mind?

Is it different because of these issues of race and gender, or is it different because the candidates have issues the public can relate to in their platforms?

This isn’t the only thing that bugs me about how people are making decisions about the Democratic candidate and who gets their
presidential vote.

Facebook, MySpace and YouTube are all playing huge roles in each of the candidates’ campaigns, and many of the things made popular on these sites are created by us, the people, and not by the presidential hopefuls.

This year, more than any other, the popularity and celebrity endorsements each candidate gets seem much more important to us than ever before.

Voting is important and those of us who can vote should feel privileged to be able to do so. But when votes are based on issues of race, gender and popularity, is it really a privilege anymore?

I seriously question some people’s thoughts about their right to vote. Luckily, there is still time to become educated and make decisions based on the issues rather than superficial topics.

Kelly Copeland

Most people who know me are aware I strongly support the green movement that has recently hit our country. I am very conscientious about turning off lights when I don’t need them, using canvas bags to go shopping, buying food with little packaging and recycling what I can.

There are groups around the nation trying to get everyone to think green, and our campus is no different with the presence of the student club Greenfield. I wholeheartedly support the group and its efforts to encourage students, faculty, staff and the larger community to be aware. I receive all of the
e-mails pertaining to the club and its activities, and I am impressed by the amount of work the students involved do on campus. I even joined in for a short while on April 18 in the Conservation Walk to kick off the week-long Campus Climate Challenge.

My only problem is this: Several of the club’s methods of promoting conservation and recycling are hypocritical.

I am sure most students on campus heard about the free light bulbs the club gave away to students a few weeks ago. The light bulbs are supposed to last longer and be more energy-efficient, which is great. However, there were two small problems with the execution of the giveaway.

The fliers were printed on non-recyclable brightly colored paper. As far as I know, every student in the Hewlett-Packard Park Apartments was given fliers, and I am sure many others on campus were as well, to notify them of the free light bulbs. Why is a club so devoted to the environment printing mass copies of fliers on paper that is non-recyclable? Doesn’t that seem a little counterproductive?

Instead of using bright and flashy paper that can’t be recycled, the club could have gone to the Copy Center and asked to print them on recyclable paper instead.

During the club’s same promotion, there wasn’t one mention that students should wait until their current light bulb goes out to install the new one. Doesn’t it make sense to use what you have until it is broken before replacing it? Your new one might last longer, but the old, perfectly functional one will still be in the landfill somewhere. 

Another recent activity sponsored by the club caused me to question its thought process. Last week, Greenfield’s members hosted a slip-n-slide on campus as part of their climate challenge activities. As fun as slip-n-slides are, part of being environmentally aware is to conserve, and water should be included in that.

I don’t think everyone should stop playing in the water because it is wasteful, but it is hypocritical for a club to encourage the rest of campus to conserve when they are being wasteful, too.

Overall, Greenfield’s ideas are useful and educate the campus about helping to save the environment. They just need to think about how the rest of campus will perceive their actions.

Not everyone who is environmentally conscious can live without waste, but when a club is promoting recycling and conservation, they should apply those principles to their events.

he says

MySpace dating allows for the element of surprise

There are a lot of places to meet women. The most obvious ones are off limits, apparently. Nobody wants guys wandering in and out of women’s restrooms, women’s gyms, or Crate & Barrel. Those are places we men know women can always be found, and yet we are not allowed into them.

Personally, I have a hard time fighting over women in clubs. By that I don’t mean to say I am bad at competing for women in clubs. In fact, I almost never leave a club without a woman. But I’m bad at
playing fair.

Women do not like overly aggressive guys. If you have to punch a guy in the face, most girls will be afraid of you. Often this fear manifests itself as disgust, as women pretend to be disgusted by your animal behavior when really, they just don’t know how to understand their feelings of fear and attraction.

Most of the time, your aggression will build to inappropriate levels, and you will make a fool out of yourself by beating another man unconscious. While this feels good and does naturally attract women to you, culturally, it is a faux pas.

On MySpace, however, you don’t have to see other guys. You also get to pick a woman without having to talk to her, which is a huge luxury.

You can spend all night just looking at pictures of girls, and then spend the next night reading the profiles of the hot ones. Then, once you’ve narrowed it down, you start to actually flirt
with them.

There are some rules.

First, keep your comments only slightly dirtier than the last guy’s. If you jump immediately to something freaky, you will seem weird. Save that for the first or second real-life date.

Second, keep your profile pretty tame. Do not put “dog fighting” under your interests. Do not write how much you love Slipknot/Feist mash-ups under your favorite music. Don’t list “Francoism, Chavist and anarchist shoegaze” under your
influences.

Make sure your pictures are appropriate and flattering. A little research will tell you if you hold the camera above your head and look up at it, you will look appropriately moody and your chin will be more defined. If you have a freakishly defined chin, just post pictures of your eyes. Your eyes are beautiful and soulful.

The most important thing MySpace offers is the element of surprise. With a little research, you can find out anything about a girl from her MySpace profile. Even if she doesn’t post her address or phone number, you can usually get it from her friends. Post one or two winking, flirtatious messages and then surprise her by just showing up at her house with flowers and some jewelry. Chicks love surprises from strangers.

She says

At clubs, at least you know what you’re getting

MySpace, although useful, is a shady establishment.

I can understand the benefits of a social networking site. It’s helpful to keep in touch with those high school friends you don’t really like enough to actually CALL, and to occasionally scan for who is married/pregnant/working at Starbucks. But hey, that’s using the system with people you already know. It’s entirely different to try to MEET people through something like MySpace.

I hate MySpace because of a single word, and that word is TiTzZ. As in, “*^*^ChEcK oUt My TiTzZ!!!^*^*, or “dude I dun care about ur blog, show us ur TiTzZ”, or even the lowly, “OMG this band is TiTzZ,” a phrase that should never have been conceived by any sort of human being, which is entirely my point.

I believe the majority of MySpace is not inhabited by human beings, but possibly by some sort of sentient slug—one that is capable of Googling images, but doesn’t understand the merits of the shift key. And really, friend, is that the sort of person you’d like to “meet in the real wurld’’?

In addition to the slugs who can’t interact normally, there is the anonymity. Sometimes anonymity can be fun. It doesn’t hurt to give the guy at the pizza place a fake name (“Bernice! Haha, oh, my daily wild oat sowing is complete”) or to act a little different on vacation, when nobody knows who you are. Those are temporary, harmless ways to have fun. But I have discovered that with complete anonymity, like the opportunity for facelessness and namelessness on a networking site, comes the opportunity for complete and utter douchebaggery.

If nobody knows your name, you can lie, cheat and say whatever you want to gain access to the aforementioned TiTzZ. Hottie Brad who models for American Apparel may very likely be Stan from accounting, who models new World of Warcraft characters in his spare time. MySpace is like a box of chocolates—you never know what you’re gonna get.

So my purpose today is to compare the merits of meeting people on MySpace versus a bar. Possibly, the Powers That Be felt this was a tougher decision than I. Honestly, though bars may be full of drunks and assholes, at least those drunks and assholes are real people you can accept and reject based on the assessment you make upon meeting them.

MySpace is populated by faceless slugs who demand only that you friend their band and post better pictures. Maybe that’s your thing, I don’t know, but I think I’ll stick with people I can slap in person.