All I had to do was watch the extended trailer on E! Online of Ryan Lochte’s new show “What would Lochte do?” to know that I had entered into a world shallower than a river during a drought.
Apart from his good looks and quick swim to fame, Lochte has little to offer besides annoying catch phrases and unoriginal fashion sense.
Let’s start off with his phrase, “jeah”. The way you are supposed to pronounce it is “JJJJJJEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” and then “yah”.
Really let that “JE-” holler, otherwise you run the risk of sounding lame. I think this catch phrase is lame because the “je-” part only makes me think of “chia pets”; those little animals that grow grass in specific places to imply fur.
Talk about so ’90s.
Now let’s talk about his fashion style. Lochte looks like a white boy trying to pull off the “Guido” look. Call in all the sports related graphic tees and cargo shorts!
Let’s be honest people, the only thing Lochte looks good in is a speedo!
Lochte claims that his dinosaur green shoes with his name on the sole was his big break into the fashion world. Too bad I did not hear about them until now. Also, that color goes with almost nothing besides the color of envy that Lochte probably feels for himself.
I mean who wouldn’t want that life style?
Expensive cars, the incapability to find a normal date and your mom telling the whole world that you have one night stands. Jeah!…sounds like a dream to me!
Back to fashion though. Lochte talks in the trailer about how he wants people to be “walking in his shoes” and he wants his fashion style to have the “Lochte edge.”
When asked “What is the Lochte edge?” he did not even know.
Well, I can tell you what the edge is…a ticket straight to Shallow Town. Clearly the only thing Lochte has been asked in his budding career is how many medals he won at the Olympics, and judging by the trailer for his show, he does not even know that either.
Little word of advice dude, you should probably know the details about your claim to fame before you go on having your own TV show.
Lochte epitomizes everything that I find annoying about the human race, and I probably would not be done talking about it before he got off the podium at the Olympics.
But I’ll save that for another time. In the meantime, I guess the more important question is will I be indulging in Lochte’s new show?
Kate Straube/Photo Editor
Kate Straube can be reached at email@example.com