Partner connectivity increases pleasure

Dear Bailey,

“What is tantric sex? Is it like yoga for sex or the Kamasutra?”

Tantra is an old sexual practice that has different forms but the same philosophy. The Kamasutra stems from Hinduism and is not the same as tantric sex, though the two have been meshed together and confused.

Tantra comes from the eastern philosophies of Buddhism and Taoism and is based on the idea that sex is about the journey not the destination. It is more about the spiritual connection and unity between two people and is often used as a way to enhance that connection in and outside the bedroom.

Having an all-over, full body orgasm is the goal rather than one orgasm at the end.

The philosophies of the Kamasutra and Tantra each have different cultural beliefs about sex, and Tantra is more focused on “spiritual orgasms” rather than physical, though practices do have physical benefits.

Tantric sex can help men who suffer from premature ejaculation, as it helps one connect with their own body and control pleasure. Tantric sex builds up energy, enhancing the sensory experiences of sex that require more time to create to be able to feel. Each person’s soul, mind, and body are “weaved” together to of course connect them but to also unify them.

Breathing in sync while spooning is one technique for people to blend together. Sexologist Doctor Sari Locker suggests both people lie on their left side, spoon so that their front and back are touching and inhale, wait a few seconds, and exhale. Do this slowly and independently. Once you have a rhythm find your partner’s rhythm and bring your breathing in sync. Keep them together for five minutes.

Once you have the breathing down (because this is done throughout tantric sex) it’s about prolonging the orgasm by building up the senses.

I relate it to a kind of more sexual teasing: each of you are going slow and not quite giving in to the fast, animalistic sex. Locker suggests this exercise: rest the penis inside the vagina without thrusting and just feel. Then withdraw the penis and massage it along the outside of the vaginal opening and the clitoris. Repeat both actions as many times as you would like, coming to the edge of orgasm each time. When ready to orgasm, the penis can be at either position suggested above, continuing to massage on the outside or gently moving inside the vagina.

Many books have been written about Tantric sex, and are sometimes mixed with Kamasutra. But to help understand Tantra on a deeper level, a book suggested by author James McConnachie is “Kiss of the Yogini: ’Tantric Sex’ in its South Asian Contexts.”

Kourtney Bailey can be reached at