Alternative ways to please a woman

Dear Bailey

“I have a problem reaching an orgasm with my boyfriend. Are there any ways that can help me get there? Alternative methods?”

Yes! There are many things you could try. First of all, it is hard for many women to reach orgasm with only vaginal intercourse. There is little sensation inside the vagina. Outside stimulation is what could make the difference. There may also be a difference in what women are told they are supposed to feel (from media and books) and what they actually do. It doesn’t always happen naturally and can take work.

The clitoris is a concentration of nerves, containing the same amount as a penis. This is how many women are able to orgasm not only once but multiple times. So step number one is to find it! The clitoris is protected by additional skin referred to as the hood. The clitoris can still feel through it, especially when it becomes swollen from arousal.

To take advantage of this little gem, there are many options. Get a toy like a vibrator. Vibrators come in many sizes, from more than six inches long to about three, they can be slender or thick and they can have multiple functions. It doesn’t have to be big. Some men can feel like they are being replaced, so make sure your boyfriend knows that he isn’t. If it helps, tell him that everyone uses some type of tool in their job. A good option for a situation like this is one with a hoop that can slide onto his penis while the vibrator is between both of you on your clit.

There are creams that are designed to be put on the clitoris that are warming or cooling. There are also warming and cooling lubes that could be used for intercourse and on the clit. Either of these is good on its own, with a toy or with his or your fingers.

Speaking of fingers, they are a great and zero-cost way for you to get stimulation. Ask your boyfriend to touch or rub your clit before, during or after sex. Doing it before or during will make intercourse more enjoyable for you. You can tell him or show him by doing it yourself or guiding his fingers to the pressure and intensity that feels best for you.

There are positions that can increase clitoral stimulation. Women on top allows you more control of your pelvic area rubbing against his. Lying down with a pillow under your hips changes the angle of your pelvis, allowing the clit to be rubbed more as well. In doggy style, he can reach around and use his fingers to rub your clit.

Increasing foreplay may also help. Sometimes it feels like women are ready, but more foreplay increases the arousal and consequently the sensitivity in the genitals. Little notes or text messages throughout the day promising later fun can give a big start. Or take more time before having intercourse. This can help with vaginal orgasms or clitoral.

Reaching orgasm can be hard work, but once you figure out how, it becomes easier. Explore yourself, your body and your options for enhancing your sex, and communicate with your partner.

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