Wait to have sex until the time is right for you

Dear Bailey,

I’ve been seeing a guy for a few weeks now. He has been asking me to have oral sex, and I’m just not ready for it, but I don’t want to stop seeing him. What should I do?

How people define sex can vary. Many people don’t view oral sex as real sex and therefore are more likely to do it. The truth is that oral sex is still sex. In fact, sex can include any act between one or more consenting people with intent involving the female genitals or the male genitalia, such as the vagina, clitoris, vulva, penis, testicles and anus.

So, getting that version of a definition out there, consider what sex is to you. Is sex something you only want to share with a special person? Whatever your own definition is and however you feel about sex, you should not let someone pressure you into it. Take the time to figure out how you feel about sex and draw the line and make it clear to your partner. Your partner needs to understand that you don’t feel comfortable doing what he or she is asking, even if you are concerned about them not wanting to see you if you don’t. You need to be in your comfort zone when it comes to sex and relationships. Have sex, whatever you consider it to be, on your terms if you’re not as comfortable. If they do decide that they don’t want to see you anymore, then it probably isn’t the person for you if they don’t care enough about you to respect how you feel.

This also goes for the use, or non-use, of condoms. It is the best protector against STIs and not the most comfortable, so the temptation  not to use one can be high. If your partner asks you not to use one and you feel safer using one, tell them that. It can be dangerous not to and if they pressure you to have sex without one they could be putting you in danger.

The most important thing is not to let yourself be pressured into something you’re not comfortable with. If the pressure to do something continues, think about how much this person cares about you if they’re willing to have you do something you’re not comfortable with.

Please send your questions to Dear Bailey.

Bailey/ Clumnist
Bailey can be reached at linfieldreviewbailey@gmail.com

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