A ‘nog’ to a certain holiday drink

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I have a new favorite holiday dish. Well, it’s not exactly new. It’s been my favorite for quite a while too. That entire phrase was mostly just for effect.

But I have an old dish I’ve always preferred (see, it sounds way worse that way). This is obviously eggnog, since who in heck cares about any other holiday dish? Turkey comes close to eggnog in the same way our fraternities come close to classy when they wear those nice suits.

For those of you skeptical of eggnog, let’s review the facts for a bit. It’s got less than one percent real eggs in it, having replaced it with artificial flavorings to prevent all of us from dying from salmonella and the more rare nog poisoning. Like every drink the world seems to enjoy, eggnog was utilized primarily as a compliment to alcohol. During the American Revolution, people began to realize that raw eggs mixed with copious amounts of alcohol might be hazardous to their health, switching to a much smoother drink (whiskey). It’s also possible that the whole revolution thing made the Americans miss out on the rum trade. I like my version better.

Anyway, eggnog didn’t really gain popularity again until the post World War II era, when it was discovered that the Soviets didn’t care for the stuff. Patriots all over our grand country bought the stuff with gusto. Drink eggnog people; it’s the American thing to do. Every drink supports the troops. It’s a very similar campaign to all the facebook causes, except without the lies that “liking” the page will conjure up funds and save children’s lives.

I think I was supposed to explain why it’s my new favorite dish. Mainly, it’s delicious. Secondly I found out that my crock-pot can heat up the stuff and make it incredibly delicious. Thirdly, it’s incredibly delicious.

I’m fairly certain the doldrums of November are getting to me. This entire post is just a stream of my own consciousness. Drink eggnog people. It’s delicious.

Matt Olson, columnist
Matt Olson can be reached at linfieldreviewopinion@gmail.com.

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