Dear Linfield students,
I love you dearly, but man alive am I tired of hearing you all complain about not getting any mail.
“I hardly check my unit box because it’s always empty and that’s too depressing for me, and whine, complain, whine,” I hear you grumble. Well Withnell-shunners, there is a reason you never get mail: You don’t send any letters.
When was the last time you sent an e-mail? This morning? When did you last receive a text message? Five minutes ago? Are you even reading this or are you sitting in Dillin trying to look informed with the Review open in front of you but really phone in hand, texting? I am offended. Close your electronic gadget before it explodes from use and think about this: When did you last send a letter? And no, your credit card bill does not count.
Every two or three days I check my unit box and there is always something in it. My granny in Chicago sends me weekly postcards. My friend in Colorado mails me letters and CDs every few days. My mom ships me care packages a few times a semester, and my high school friends mail me triweekly. Jealous? You don’t have to be. Just pick up a pen and some paper, even a Dillin napkin will do, and get writing.
Write someone telling them they should write you back so you can give a hearty “Whoohoo!” in Withnell Commons when you discover something in your unit box other than cobwebs. Need to break up with your boy- or girlfriend but don’t want to speak to them ever again? Write them. Send them a singing card that plays *NSYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye.” Even this is better than a text message break-up, as I’m sure Jeff Primozich would agree. Well, maybe.
I write to my family, friends and even my favorite high school teachers. The content doesn’t have to be serious. It is much nicer to receive humorous post than a serious manuscript. For instance, take the solemn “I miss you” topic. Monday, I received a letter from a friend stating, “I miss you so much and when I say I love you, I don’t mean that I have sex dreams about you…No, I dream of getting really old and scaring young children with you…I love you so much it is stupid. I will write you so often it will piss off the post man.”
Trust me, this is more engaging than, “I love and miss you, bye.”
“But stamps are expensive,” you say. So what? So is my phone bill. Stop calling me. You don’t need stamps to send in-campus mail. Send me candy. I like Twix. Seriously, though, Linfield, send out mail. It is one of the simplest, most pleasant moments of. It doesn’t take much effort, and the only way you are going to get mail is to send some.
Happy letter writing.