MySpace vs. the club, He says, She says.

he says

MySpace dating allows for the element of surprise

There are a lot of places to meet women. The most obvious ones are off limits, apparently. Nobody wants guys wandering in and out of women’s restrooms, women’s gyms, or Crate & Barrel. Those are places we men know women can always be found, and yet we are not allowed into them.

Personally, I have a hard time fighting over women in clubs. By that I don’t mean to say I am bad at competing for women in clubs. In fact, I almost never leave a club without a woman. But I’m bad at
playing fair.

Women do not like overly aggressive guys. If you have to punch a guy in the face, most girls will be afraid of you. Often this fear manifests itself as disgust, as women pretend to be disgusted by your animal behavior when really, they just don’t know how to understand their feelings of fear and attraction.

Most of the time, your aggression will build to inappropriate levels, and you will make a fool out of yourself by beating another man unconscious. While this feels good and does naturally attract women to you, culturally, it is a faux pas.

On MySpace, however, you don’t have to see other guys. You also get to pick a woman without having to talk to her, which is a huge luxury.

You can spend all night just looking at pictures of girls, and then spend the next night reading the profiles of the hot ones. Then, once you’ve narrowed it down, you start to actually flirt
with them.

There are some rules.

First, keep your comments only slightly dirtier than the last guy’s. If you jump immediately to something freaky, you will seem weird. Save that for the first or second real-life date.

Second, keep your profile pretty tame. Do not put “dog fighting” under your interests. Do not write how much you love Slipknot/Feist mash-ups under your favorite music. Don’t list “Francoism, Chavist and anarchist shoegaze” under your

Make sure your pictures are appropriate and flattering. A little research will tell you if you hold the camera above your head and look up at it, you will look appropriately moody and your chin will be more defined. If you have a freakishly defined chin, just post pictures of your eyes. Your eyes are beautiful and soulful.

The most important thing MySpace offers is the element of surprise. With a little research, you can find out anything about a girl from her MySpace profile. Even if she doesn’t post her address or phone number, you can usually get it from her friends. Post one or two winking, flirtatious messages and then surprise her by just showing up at her house with flowers and some jewelry. Chicks love surprises from strangers.

She says

At clubs, at least you know what you’re getting

MySpace, although useful, is a shady establishment.

I can understand the benefits of a social networking site. It’s helpful to keep in touch with those high school friends you don’t really like enough to actually CALL, and to occasionally scan for who is married/pregnant/working at Starbucks. But hey, that’s using the system with people you already know. It’s entirely different to try to MEET people through something like MySpace.

I hate MySpace because of a single word, and that word is TiTzZ. As in, “*^*^ChEcK oUt My TiTzZ!!!^*^*, or “dude I dun care about ur blog, show us ur TiTzZ”, or even the lowly, “OMG this band is TiTzZ,” a phrase that should never have been conceived by any sort of human being, which is entirely my point.

I believe the majority of MySpace is not inhabited by human beings, but possibly by some sort of sentient slug—one that is capable of Googling images, but doesn’t understand the merits of the shift key. And really, friend, is that the sort of person you’d like to “meet in the real wurld’’?

In addition to the slugs who can’t interact normally, there is the anonymity. Sometimes anonymity can be fun. It doesn’t hurt to give the guy at the pizza place a fake name (“Bernice! Haha, oh, my daily wild oat sowing is complete”) or to act a little different on vacation, when nobody knows who you are. Those are temporary, harmless ways to have fun. But I have discovered that with complete anonymity, like the opportunity for facelessness and namelessness on a networking site, comes the opportunity for complete and utter douchebaggery.

If nobody knows your name, you can lie, cheat and say whatever you want to gain access to the aforementioned TiTzZ. Hottie Brad who models for American Apparel may very likely be Stan from accounting, who models new World of Warcraft characters in his spare time. MySpace is like a box of chocolates—you never know what you’re gonna get.

So my purpose today is to compare the merits of meeting people on MySpace versus a bar. Possibly, the Powers That Be felt this was a tougher decision than I. Honestly, though bars may be full of drunks and assholes, at least those drunks and assholes are real people you can accept and reject based on the assessment you make upon meeting them.

MySpace is populated by faceless slugs who demand only that you friend their band and post better pictures. Maybe that’s your thing, I don’t know, but I think I’ll stick with people I can slap in person.

2 Comments on MySpace vs. the club, He says, She says.

  1. I enjoyed reading this – very informative and useful information without a bunch of BS!

  2. myspace train // October 15, 2009 at 8:52 pm //

    Hey, this is a great post, very well thought out a and well written.

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